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| Same Event, Same Ben & Jerry's, Different Year |
Tyson:
First off, let me start by saying, critiquing anything you get for free is about as useless and irrelevant of a task as a plot in a porno. If anybody were to tell me they watched “Pirates” for Jesse Jane’s character development, I would punch them in the balls/vagina and strap them in a chair forcing them to watch a 2 day marathon of “Hollywood Homicide.” Despite the stupidity of the act; I will critique my testicles off on a Free Event for the sake of getting this experiment off the ground.
First thing I thought when my car drove by Ben & Jerry’s was “HOLY SHIT THE ENTIRE CITY IS HERE!” The line intimidated me. I called Marisa and said I doubt if free ice cream is worth it and maybe we should walk down to Cold Stone and pay for ice cream with no waiting. I met up with Lia, who already was in line. We were surrounded my adolescents and younger, and about all of these little shits obviously had already gotten a cone or two for themselves; because they all were tripping balls off the sugar. It also was 4 pm meaning a nearby Junior High had just gotten out so the place was surrounded with pimply faced Middle Schoolers, for sure the most annoying age to deal with in Youth. All of this wasn’t really in any control of Ben & Jerry’s but still is involved in my thought process on assessment and evaluation of the event. -1
The line was long, but moved pretty well and after about 20 minutes we were at the door of the establishment (By the way, from the signs up in the windows, I’m pretty sure using the bathroom without paying will result in death by decapitation). A big positive for this event is you can pick any flavor they have, none of that “Free Cone but only in Vanilla” bullshit companies can try and pull. Marisa branched out and picked Cherry Garcia, possibly the only flavor from Ben & Jerry’s she has ever had in her life (That’s my girl!). I picked my recent favorite from B&J’s: Chocolate Therapy. Lia copied me because she knows a ginger knows what’s up! I ordered through a cute yet docile creature who got me my cone last (even though I ordered first) as she couldn’t get through to the bin to get my flavor (getting cut off my Lia’s server getting the same thing). The Cone is small of course, but not completely midget size. And the scoop was a decent full scoop. Pretty generous of them, for the sheer amount of product they are giving off for free today, to not totally skimp us on the quantity. +1
Now when I had this cone it was like every other time I’m had some B&J’s as the Ice Creaming Orgasims wasn’t conceived yet. So my critiquing is all in hindsight. Not like in the future when I will be making metal notes while in the process. Chocolate Therapy is a decent combination of different “chocolates” in one. It is Chocolate Ice Cream, with Chocolate Cookie chucks and “swirls” of chocolate pudding. The chunks are a little small and far between but ok when you get one, and the pudding does bring some nice subtle change up to the whole combination. My only issue with the flavor is I like my ice cream to not only arouse my taste buds, but to grab me by the balls. Maybe because it is watered down for the masses but it’s just not enough of a kick for me. It could be sweeter, richer or chunkier. But instead it goes for a little of everything and in the end a slight bit bland. The Cookie bits are nice, but not anything to cream in your pants about. It just lacks that over-the-topness I am searching for.
After eating our cones we all hung out outside for a little, mostly for a lack of anything to do as I had to go to work soon. The damn Junior High kids were increasing in numbers and increasing my aggravation. Seriously 6-8th graders, we all know it is an awkward stage in life, and you are trying to establish your own identity, or some bullshit. But can you go do it on C.O.D. or sneaking a pack of cigarettes and bottle of Jack past your parents to your room or playing spin the bottle in your basement; rather than polluting the public with your desire for attention!
My final grade for this event was an 7.5 Out of 10
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